I will be the first to admit that I was skeptical about The Second Life. At first it seemed like just another thing to distract me from doing my real work here at DuroSport. I am humbled to say that I could not have been more wrong about The Second Life. I will tell you why.
Some of you probably live near an Apple store. They are everywhere. It is obvious that the company has no quality control. How can they open so many stores and still provide good customer service? And yet people continue to shop at the Apple store because they have no other alternative. Apple is all anyone knows about anymore. They have virtually eliminated the Tandy and most other computers.
You are probably wondering why DuroSport does not open its own store and attempt to beat Apple at its own game. That is a good idea, but not as easy as it sounds.
First of all, we have very high standards. Much higher standards than Apple. Because of this we have been very cautious about opening a store until we could absolutely assure that our customers would have a shopping experience that is identical in every way to the one they would have if they walked into the main DuroStore in Moldova.
But you did not know about the DuroStore in Moldova, did you? That is because most of you have never been to Moldova. The bloggers who came here last summer know all about the DuroStore and they will tell you that the Apple stores are pitiful in comparison.
Of course, there are other reasons why we have not been able to bring the DuroStore to the so-called “free world”. In a word: regulations and red tape. There are so many permits and inspections required that it is almost impossible to open a store in the United States. You call this capitalism? Why can’t we just pay someone to make the problems go away (I think you know what I mean). That is how it is done in Moldova.
Then there are the environmental regulations. We are big supporters of the fish and the birds, but it is well known that pollution is a natural part of the electronics manufacturing process. It also turns out that our retail outlet generates certain pollutants that, for some reason, are not allowed in the United States.
There are no idiotic environmental laws or zoning regulations in The Second Life. Thanks to The Second Life we can finally bring the DuroStore to the masses without compromising our high standards.
Starting today the entire world can now visit an exact replica of our Moldovan DuroStore without ever leaving their homes. No passport is required. No security clearance is needed from Moldovan Secret Police. You now have no excuse not to visit the DuroStore!
The Second Life has allowed us to overcome all of the limitations of physical reality. It is like a world that was made especially for DuroSport.
Come see for yourself what a real electronics store is like. After you do I guarantee that the next time you visit an Apple store you will laugh at the pathetic overpaid hippies they employ at the “Genius” bar. Our employees are not so scruffy.
When you visit us you will see that in The Second Life we have been able to make the Prism DuroSport 6000 everything we ever wanted it to be. We have been able to overcome the inherent technological limitations of reality. You will be amazed.
I must admit that all of this would not have been possible without the help of the very kind people in The Second Life. We could not have achieved all of our goals on our own. By now you are probably aware of the problems we are having in our engineering department.
We are fortunate to have partnered with a company called The LogSpark. The LogSparkers were finally able to engineer a DuroSport player as we have always wanted it to be. As a result our new SL-6001VRMP is massive. It will crush the Zune in The Second Life — literally. And hopefully even some Zune fans for good measure.
I want take this opportunity to personally thank The LogSpark team: Sparky, Sundry, Ebi, and Madmann (who doesn’t seem so angry in person). They are everything that Vlad is not. Great work!
There will soon be meetings where we will discuss the possibility of outsourcing all of our product engineering to The Second Life. This will almost certainly put the Pütz back on the fast track!
If only there was a way we could release a new product without having to wait for the start of the next fiscal year. The accounting team all have hangovers today so there is no one for me to consult with on this. It will have to wait until next week.
In the meantime, please come visit the DuroStore in The Second Life. Use this link to get to our new store. You will need The Second Life software, but do not worry, it is free and it runs on most popular computers – except for the Tandy. Hopefully they will fix that soon.
Please come back here for some more exciting news tomorrow. It will be Fiscal New Years Day and we have another very special surprise for all of you.
Until then, I will see you in The Second Life (just ask for Nero Rang).