Sometimes Bad Things Happen

It is always very disappointing when the perfect weekend does not end perfectly. Our Fiscal New Years celebration was going very well. Almost too well considering how things have been for DuroSport in the past few years. It seemed a bit suspicious.

Then the phone rang. Normally I would not answer the phone while I am in The Second Life. It breaks the illusion of being in a perfect world where anything is possible and no one complains about the size of your portable media player. Unfortunately, I was not in The Second Life when the phone rang. In fact, I was barely in The Second Life all weekend. The Second Life kept crashing, and when I would log back in I looked like a woman — someone named Ruth. It was all very disturbing. Apparently the DuroStore grand opening was so big that we broke The Second Life.

The Linden people were not aware of the power requirements of the virtual Prism DuroSport. That is something they should have planned for. They will have to buy more powerful servers now that DuroSport has come to The Second Life. Now that many avatars are setting up our players in their virtual homes I would not be surprised if The Second Life crashes more frequently. Please do not blame DuroSport if this is the case.

Anyway, as I was saying, the phone rang. It was a lawyer for The Star Trek calling to say that he was exercising some obscure clause in our contract and canceling their exclusive partnership with DuroSport. There will be no more Star Trek DeMastered download service.

He did not give a reason, but I believe that The Star Trek is afraid of one or two slightly bad reviews. It is well known that Trekies have thin skin and can’t take any criticism at all. And their lawyers are worse.

So that is that. DuroSport is now looking for new partners for our DuroView download service. If you are a representative of a famous TV program please contact us immediately.

To The Lindens I say, “Please upgrade your servers to support our virtual DuroSport players”.

To the Star Trek people I say, “Go to hell! Everything my uncle Oleg said about you was right”.

Fortunately we still have our theme song. That is one thing they can never take away from us. Thank you Amin Paine.

I will see you in The Second Life. Where I am Nero Rang. And sometimes Nero Ruth Rang.

p.s. I have posted some photos from our store on The Flicker. You can see a few of them on the side of this blog. These are for the people who do not have The Second Life.

My Dream Has Come True in The Second Life!

I will be the first to admit that I was skeptical about The Second Life. At first it seemed like just another thing to distract me from doing my real work here at DuroSport. I am humbled to say that I could not have been more wrong about The Second Life. I will tell you why.

Some of you probably live near an Apple store. They are everywhere. It is obvious that the company has no quality control. How can they open so many stores and still provide good customer service? And yet people continue to shop at the Apple store because they have no other alternative. Apple is all anyone knows about anymore. They have virtually eliminated the Tandy and most other computers.

You are probably wondering why DuroSport does not open its own store and attempt to beat Apple at its own game. That is a good idea, but not as easy as it sounds.

First of all, we have very high standards. Much higher standards than Apple. Because of this we have been very cautious about opening a store until we could absolutely assure that our customers would have a shopping experience that is identical in every way to the one they would have if they walked into the main DuroStore in Moldova.

But you did not know about the DuroStore in Moldova, did you? That is because most of you have never been to Moldova. The bloggers who came here last summer know all about the DuroStore and they will tell you that the Apple stores are pitiful in comparison.

Of course, there are other reasons why we have not been able to bring the DuroStore to the so-called “free world”. In a word: regulations and red tape. There are so many permits and inspections required that it is almost impossible to open a store in the United States. You call this capitalism? Why can’t we just pay someone to make the problems go away (I think you know what I mean). That is how it is done in Moldova.

Then there are the environmental regulations. We are big supporters of the fish and the birds, but it is well known that pollution is a natural part of the electronics manufacturing process. It also turns out that our retail outlet generates certain pollutants that, for some reason, are not allowed in the United States.

There are no idiotic environmental laws or zoning regulations in The Second Life. Thanks to The Second Life we can finally bring the DuroStore to the masses without compromising our high standards.

Nero Tarlev aka Nero Rang at the new DuroSport DuroStore In Second Life Starting today the entire world can now visit an exact replica of our Moldovan DuroStore without ever leaving their homes. No passport is required. No security clearance is needed from Moldovan Secret Police. You now have no excuse not to visit the DuroStore!

The Second Life has allowed us to overcome all of the limitations of physical reality. It is like a world that was made especially for DuroSport.

Come see for yourself what a real electronics store is like. After you do I guarantee that the next time you visit an Apple store you will laugh at the pathetic overpaid hippies they employ at the “Genius” bar. Our employees are not so scruffy.

When you visit us you will see that in The Second Life we have been able to make the Prism DuroSport 6000 everything we ever wanted it to be. We have been able to overcome the inherent technological limitations of reality. You will be amazed.

I must admit that all of this would not have been possible without the help of the very kind people in The Second Life. We could not have achieved all of our goals on our own. By now you are probably aware of the problems we are having in our engineering department.

We are fortunate to have partnered with a company called The LogSpark. The LogSparkers were finally able to engineer a DuroSport player as we have always wanted it to be. As a result our new SL-6001VRMP is massive. It will crush the Zune in The Second Life — literally. And hopefully even some Zune fans for good measure.

I want take this opportunity to personally thank The LogSpark team: Sparky, Sundry, Ebi, and Madmann (who doesn’t seem so angry in person). They are everything that Vlad is not. Great work!

There will soon be meetings where we will discuss the possibility of outsourcing all of our product engineering to The Second Life. This will almost certainly put the Pütz back on the fast track!

If only there was a way we could release a new product without having to wait for the start of the next fiscal year. The accounting team all have hangovers today so there is no one for me to consult with on this. It will have to wait until next week.

In the meantime, please come visit the DuroStore in The Second Life. Use this link to get to our new store. You will need The Second Life software, but do not worry, it is free and it runs on most popular computers – except for the Tandy. Hopefully they will fix that soon.

Please come back here for some more exciting news tomorrow. It will be Fiscal New Years Day and we have another very special surprise for all of you.

Until then, I will see you in The Second Life (just ask for Nero Rang).

I Am An Avatard!

Hello Again, DuroSports Fans,

I am me, Vladimir Concescu, Chief Product Engineer for the DuroSport Electronics Company, and am now also in the Second Life! I am having spent many hours in work on top-secret super-secret DuroSport project in the Second Life. Learning very more soon. Soon!

In the Second Life reality is not. Instead we are having things called “Avatards.” My avatard is naming “Vlad Philbin,” because am not having the name Concescu in the Second Life.

I am little caring because my avatard is not just in work on top-secret super-secret DuroSport project, but also tuxedo-wearing avatard who is gets through the Second Life placing to placing by flying. Flying!

I love the Second Life! Even Nero is tolerating to me. Cannot waiting to show you, the devoted DuroSport fandoms, the top-secret super-secret project. Very excitement!

My Second Life

It has been months since I posted an update to this blog and you have probably noticed that the Pütz has still not been released. This fact makes me very sad. It is a shame to my family name. Meanwhile the Zune is winning awards and taking the public by storm. It is not right that a product that was so clearly stolen from DuroSport is doing so well while we are struggling to ship the real thing.

You are probably wondering why it is taking us so long to get our new media player out to the public. You are probably waiting with your money, hoping to buy a Pütz very soon. I know the feeling. Even though I’ll get one for free, I would gladly pay for a product as advanced as the Pütz will be.

So what is our problem? In my opinion it feels like we are losing our focus. First of all, the marketing consultants are sending me off chasing various wild geese. This blog that you are reading was the first one. While I am glad to have the opportunity to speak directly to our loyal customers, I would be happier if our new product was on the market. Then there was The My Space. I can’t tell you what a waste of time that was. Worst of all, our Chief Product Engineer Vladamir jumped on The My Space bandwagon and has been wasting most of his days there chatting with his new girlfriends. He’s even letting them suggest new product features! We’re way past the point where new features should be introduced. If you want to know why the Pütz hasn’t been released yet it’s because there are teenage girls on The My Space telling Vladamir how to design our products.

Now the marketing consultants tell me we need to get The Second Life. What’s The Second Life I ask? It turns out it’s some sort of “virtual” reality world. Apparently there are people who don’t get enough reality in the real world, so they need to create another world where they can get even more reality – although not real reality, but “virtual” reality. It’s all very confusing to me. Apparently it’s big with the kids, so we have to do it.

So now we are starting a new DuroSport project in The Second Life, but it’s very confidential at this point and I can’t give you any details – except to say that it will probably delay the Pütz even further. Which is the last thing we need right now when we are losing so much market share to the Zune.

Anyway, this past week I signed up for The Second Life (because I had to), and let me tell you, there are a lot of things about this “virtual” reality world that really bug me.

  • I can’t have my own last name. What’s wrong with the name Nero Tarlev? I am proud of my family name. But for some reason in The Second Life I have to pick another family name. The name of a family I know nothing about. So I’ve become Nero Rang. Why? Because it will hopefully remind you to return my phone calls.
  • There is no Moldova in The Second Life. This baffles me. During the signup process I was asked to enter the name of my home country. There was a huge list of every country in the world EXCEPT Moldova! Instead, the closest option is Moldavia!!!! As EVERYONE knows that’s not the same thing. What are they trying to do, start a civil war in The Second Life?
  • The currency exchange rate is too complicated. They have a thing called the Linden. First of all, who’s ever heard of The Linden? I called the bank that handles all of DuroSport’s banking and they had never even heard of it. And yet, I’m supposed to convert my Moldovan Leu to Linden? How’s that supposed to happen? I’ve checked all of the currency converters on The Internets and not one of them can convert Leu to Linden.
  • Too many meetings! I’ve posted before about how many meetings we have here at DuroSport and how it sometimes seems like I can’t do my job because I’m spending all of my time in meetings. And now that I have The Second Life it turns out I have meetings there as well. In fact, I’m even having more meetings in my First Life because of my meetings in The Second Life. How is this supposed to make DuroSport better? Please, no more meetings. Let’s just finish the Pütz and sell more DuroSport players.
  • Worst of all, Vladamir is now running around The Second Life dressed like a pirate. I am losing my patience with that man. We are very close to looking for a new Chief Product Engineer.

I could go on, but I’ve already said too much. If you don’t hear from me for a while it’s because I’m trapped in The Second Life.