The Christmas is right around the corner and I am sorry to say that there is almost no chance that our Pütz media player will be released in time for the holiday. It breaks my heart to admit this, but it is the sad reality of our situation. Please start preparing your children now. There will be no Pütz in their stockings on Christmas morning. I blame it all on a man named Mr. Timothy Ferriss and his stupid book The 4-Hour Workweek.
After our last setback I knew that it would be a difficult challenge meeting the manufacturing deadline for the busy holiday season. Unfortunately we have made ABSOLUTELY NO PROGRESS in the last two months. How is that possible? I will tell you.
Shortly after returning from his stay in the Moldovan prison, Vladimir started behaving strangely (strange even for him). He refused to read any of the memos or product documents that had been written in his absence. So, I asked Vladimir how he planed to develop the new product without reading any of the specifications, and he says to me “I am going on a low information diet”.
That was not even an answer to my question. And what in the hell is a Low Information Diet?
Then Vladimir started refusing to attend our weekly meetings. He said that our meetings were a waste of time and started ranting about some Italian named Pareto.
Meanwhile, I could not help but notice that he does not consider The MySpace a waste of time, as he is still spending most of his day “chatting with the cuties” (his words, not mine).
There is no talking with Vladimir when he gets like this, so I sent him an email. And then I did not hear anything for a week. Finally, the following Monday morning he replies “Thank you for contacting the Vladimir Concescu with problems you have. My virtual assistant will be in contacting you with shortly”.
Virtual assistant?! The man does almost no work, why does he need an assistant?
Later that day I got a call on The Skype. It was from some lady in Bangalore. She told me that Vladimir had assigned my case to her and that she would be helping me resolve my problem. I will say that she was very polite, and her English was much better than Vladimir’s. But still, this is no way to do business.
Finally I cornered Vladimir at the coffee machine (if he is not on The MySpace or in the restroom, he is at the coffee machine). That is when he told me about his “muse”. He explained that he is starting a dating service with his girlfriends on The MySpace.
I asked him, what kind of muse is a MySpace dating service?!
Then he explains that he will need the income when he is on his “mini-retirement”.
Mini-retirement? He just spent three months lounging around the Moldovan prison racking up data access charges. And now his is retiring?
Then he hands me The 4-hour Workweek book and says, “I am going to escape 9-5, live anywhere, and join the new rich”. I was a little surprised by that, but then I noticed that it says those exact words on the cover. Vladimir is very impressionable.
So, the reason why there will be no Pütz for Christmas is because Vladimir read this stupid book.
Worse yet, the book has been making the rounds at The DuroSport headquarters. Now Otto in security is wanting to negotiate his schedule so he can work from home. I am sorry, I may be old fashioned, but security guard is not a job that can be done from home!
Mr. Timothy Ferris is the worst kind of moron. His stupid book is destroying our company. He is the enemy of capitalism! I came to America to get away from people like him.
Please Mr. Ferris, take your next mini-retirement in Romania and do not write any more books.