Pütz vs. Zune – The Ultimate Showdown

As I am sure most of you know by now, something awful happened last week. Microsoft finally released their Zune media player. As we expected, it has quite a bit in common with the Pütz DuroSport. A little too much in common, if you get my drift.

For months now, I have been hoping to compare the two products to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Microsoft is stealing our technology. Finally, in August, we made contact with a Microsoft “Insider,” who shall remain nameless. I will call him Deep Pockets. Mr. Pockets is not such a bad fellow considering that he works for such an evil corporation. He indicated a willingness to provide us with information that would support our belief that his employer stole our technical design specifications and marketing plans. He was also going to provide us with a Zune prototype that we could evaluate in our testing labs.

Unfortunately, Mr. Pockets vanished before he could provide us with a Zune. We have no idea where’s he’s gone. We certainly hope that he’s not been harmed in any way. This is the problem with Microsoft. They sometimes make people disappear. Remember that next time you disable Clippy.

As a result of Mr. Pocket’s disappearance, we did not have an opportunity to review the Zune and compare it to the Pütz until this weekend. I was forced to use the DuroSport corporate credit card to buy not one but two Zunes (how else could we possibly test the wireless song sharing?). Using our corporate money to buy a product that was stolen from us in the first place was the ultimate insult.

To make matters worse, when I arrived at my local Best Buy on Thursday night, there was a line around the block. The police were there trying to bring order to the crowd. It was a near riot situation. All for the Zune?! Can you imagine how crazy these people will get when our Pütz is released?

Finally, they started letting us into the store around midnight. There was a two Zunes limit. That’s when I realized that most people were buying Sony PlayStations, if you can imagine that!

While Microsoft seems to have stolen many of the features from Pütz, they haven’t implemented them very well, as you’ll see in my in-depth comparison below. In the end, I think you’ll agree that the Pütz has many advantages over the Zune. So read on, and see for yourself:

Microsoft Zune vs. Pütz DuroSport (the next generation Prism DuroSport in case you haven’t been paying attention):

Product Name: Pütz and Zune are similar four-letter words used to define a unique brand. Both have Z’s in them. However, while Zune starts with a Z, Pütz ends with a Z. The apparent difference is that Zune has no umlauts. Honestly, I think Züne would be a better name, but that might be too obvious a similarity – even for a company as shameless as Microsoft.

So which product has the name advantage? Ultimately, I think it comes down to this: Zune is a dirty word in Hebrew, while Pütz is named after one of the most respected American baseball players. It’s pretty clear which product is more family-friendly. Would you want your children listening to a Zune? Just think about that for a moment. The implications are not pleasant. You’ll be much happier when little Johnny looks at you and says, “Daddy, I want a Pütz.”

Compatibility: I’m surprised by Zune’s limited support for the most popular audio and video formats. The Zune is even incompatible with Microsoft’s own PlaysForSure standard.

While it’s true that the Pütz is incompatible with the previous DuroSport formats, we offer a conversion kit that also enables full compatibility with a wide range of formats, including iTunes. Zune can’t even come close to that sort of compatibility. Also, the Pütz is what we call a UMD (Universal Media Device), which means that it can play most popular media formats, including Super 8, cassette, and VHS.

Software and Setup: This is an area where the two products are very much alike. Out of the box, a quickstart guide gets both media players up and running in a little under six hours.

Product Size: The Zune is slightly larger than the iPod, but it’s still not big enough. The Pütz, on the other hand, is much larger than the iPod and sturdier too. Our corporate policy on product size is well known. We’ve made a promise that our products will always be larger than our competitors, and we’re sticking by that promise.

Capacity: This is an area where Microsoft has demonstrated an inability to think outside the box. The Zune has a 30 GB internal hard drive. There are only so many songs you can store on an internal hard drive. The Pütz, on the other hand, has a 50 MB internal hard drive and supports multiple types of physical media, as noted above. Think of all of the music you still have on old cassette tapes. Now you can listen to all of your old favorites on the Pütz. With Pütz’s support for removable media, there are no limits! Advantage Pütz.

Wireless: The Zune’s wireless capability is pathetic. The Zune can only connect to another Zune. What use is that? Who has a Zune anyway? Well, I have two, but that’s beside the point. I certainly don’t want them, and I’ll be selling them on eBay any day now.

Pütz’s wireless is much more flexible and powerful than Zune’s. Not only can the Pütz connect to another Pütz, but it can also connect to your PC, the Internet, and broadcast to AM radios! Our wireless transmitter has a two-mile radius (pending FCC approval). Pütz’s wireless is so strong that we’ve received reports that the signal interferes with microwave ovens!!

Battery life: Both media players run on batteries. Is that a coincidence? I think not. Zune runs for just under 12 hours per charge, while the Pütz runs for 48 hours (first charge only). DuroSport’s battery technology is clearly superior to Microsoft’s. I know this for a fact because there are only so many companies that have permission to deal with the North Korean scientists who developed our batteries.

DRM: Microsoft has used a new type of DRM for the Zune. No one knows how secure it will be. If you buy a Zune, someone could very easily steal your music. Then you’d have no music and a worthless Zune.

DuroSport has also developed a new DRM system for the Pütz. Our DT7 DRM is even more secure than our previous unbreakable DT6.

Available Songs: The DuroSport songwriter has been working overtime for months to write songs exclusively for the Pütz. Vladamir has been in the recording studio for weeks working on exclusive recordings for the Pütz. How many songs has Mr. Bill Gates written or recorded for Zune?

So there you have it. The most comprehensive comparison of the Pütz and the Zune ever published. It’s pretty clear that while Zune is a complete rip-off of the Pütz, it’s still an inferior product.

Stay tuned for more information on Pütz’s upcoming launch.

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